Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Things
(Page 21)
The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.
Fulton's Law of Gravity
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Science/Weather
Things
Effort
Gravity
Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.
Anonymous
Definitions
Failure
Problems
Things
Percussive Maintenance
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Marty Allen
(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Activities
Shopping
Things
Time
Economics
If you don’t know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do!
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things
Light bulbs
Boomerangs: They're making a comeback!
Headline
Headlines
Things
Boomerangs
This lane ends in 500 feet.
Barrett's Laws of Driving III
Autos
Driving
Murphy’s Laws
Old? The only thing that kept it standing were the woodworms holding hands.
Jenny Dennis
(1954 – ) American writer
Things
Antiques
They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.
Anonymous
Money
Situations
Things
Apartment
I like handicapped men ’cause a handicapped man get a check
and
a good parking space.
Loni Love
(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Autos
Money
People
Handicaps
Parking spaces
In California, if someone crosses the street, we'll stop.
D.L. Hughley
(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Autos
Places
Difference between New York City and California
You're never too poor for good toilet paper.
Steve McGrew
comedian
Money
Poverty
Things
Toilet paper
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Anonymous
Arms
Situations
Things
Sword
Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.
Paul Taylor
(1987 – ) British comedian
Communication
Things
Wordplay
Hinges
I could stand up in the seat and not hit my head.
Buddy Baker
American auto racer
Auto racing
Autos
Sports
Things
On one of his old Plymouths
Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.
Anonymous
Autos
Definitions
Things
Traffic Light
Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.
Anonymous
Autos
Definitions
Things
Car Pool
Rare is the “improvement” that will ever repay the time lost in performing it.
Manes’s Law of Computer Enhancement
Computers
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Things
(Stephen Manes)
I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age
Health
Old
Things
Born
Mercurochrome
Wonder drug
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Anonymous
Situations
Things
Matches
My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos
Driving
Sex
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
Enoch Arnold Bennett
1867 – 1931) English novelist
America
Autos
People
Places
Traffic
Page 21 of 41
« First
« Previous
19
20
21
22
23
Next »
Last »