Subject: Things (Page 21)

The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Science/Weather Things

Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.

Definitions Failure Problems Things

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Activities Shopping Things Time

If you don’t know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Boomerangs: They're making a comeback!

Headlines Things

This lane ends in 500 feet.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

Old? The only thing that kept it standing were the woodworms holding hands.

(1954 – ) American writer
Things

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

I like handicapped men ’cause a handicapped man get a check and a good parking space.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Autos Money People

In California, if someone crosses the street, we'll stop.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Autos Places

You're never too poor for good toilet paper.

comedian
Money Poverty Things

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.

(1987 – ) British comedian
Communication Things Wordplay

I could stand up in the seat and not hit my head.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Rare is the “improvement” that will ever repay the time lost in performing it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Health Old Things

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Situations Things

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places