Subject: Things (Page 21)

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio; if all the stations are rock ‘n’ roll, there’s a good chance the transmission is shot.

(1940 – ) American radio disc jockey
Autos Entertainment Music Things

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things

I recently purchased a yo-yo at a flea market for just 15 cents – no strings attached!

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Things

I think a treehouse is really insensitive; that's like killing something and then making one of its friends hold it.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Self Things Wives

There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley LSD and UNIX; we don't believe this to be a coincidence.

American computer systems administrator
Computers Things

Envelopes and stamps which don't stick when you lick them will stick to other things when you don't want them to.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately; I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Autos Things

The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

Book Titles Computers Things

I lost a button hole.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Animals Things

Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.

(1987 – ) British comedian
Communication Things Wordplay

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Things

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things