Subject: Things (Page 22)

Interchangeable devices won't.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Last week the candle factory burned down… everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things Work

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Situations Things

Whenever I hang out with a group of friends, I try to make sure we hang out clockwise… that way, if we're photographed, we are easy to identify.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

Baseball is the only thing beside the paper clip that hasn't changed.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Sports Things

Frasier: If a child of four can ride one, (a bicycle), then so can we.

Niles: That’s what you said when we were six.

(1959 – ) American actor
Things TV/Movie Quotes

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Money People Things

I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.


Things Time

I bought a perfect second car… a tow truck.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

Confucius say… when driving near schools, open your eyes and save the pupils.

Autos Confucius say Things

You might be a redneck if… you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations Things

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer
Computers Language Sex Things

Your own car uses more gas and oil than anyone else's.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

1. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend. 2. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. 3. Nothing minor ever happens to a car.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems

Met a guy this morning with a glass eye; he didn’t tell me – it just came out in the conversation.

(1954 – ) American writer
Miscellaneous Things

His tattoos are like shit that you wrote on the cover of your notebook.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Insults Things

I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

There is always one more bug.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems Things