Subject: Things (Page 23)

Socializing on the internet is to socializing, what reality TV is to reality.

(1961 – ) American playwright & screenwriter
Computers Things

I was at the plant shop for the fourth time last week asking the guy to please sell me something with a will to live.

(1984 – ) American stand-up comedian
Things

Boycott shampoo… demand the REAL poo!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

There’s an unseen force which lets birds know when you’ve just washed your car.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Photograph: A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions Things

Traffic increases to fill the road space available.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I just bought a microwave fireplace… you can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things Time

Frasier: If a child of four can ride one, (a bicycle), then so can we.

Niles: That’s what you said when we were six.

(1959 – ) American actor
Things TV/Movie Quotes

Your wife's stored possessions will always be on top of your stored possessions.

Marriage Murphy’s Laws Things Wives

Antique: Something too old to be anything but too expensive.

Definitions Things

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


New York City Places Things

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
Computers Mistakes Problems Things

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Money Things

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Marriage Things

Absolutum obsoletum – If it works, it’s out of date.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realize that you are in a hurry.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

Can a 3-D printer make ink cartridges for a 2-D printer?

(1983 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
Things

I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Ever since the young men have owned motorcycles, incest has been dying out.

(1911 – 1991) Swiss playwright & novelist
Intelligence Situations Things