Subject: Things (Page 25)

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Girls People Things Women

If you have to park six blocks away, you will find two new parking spaces right in front of the building entrance.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

You ever get a new cell phone and you're too lazy to transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being friends with a bunch of people?

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Things

I've got to tell you, that's a gorgeous four-and-a-half hour drive in from the airport.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places

This summer I learned that there’s a difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Situations Things

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Things

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
People Things

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


New York City Places Things

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Things Yogi-isms

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Things

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Autos Driving Intelligence Things

I found a guy's wallet and inside was a picture of my kids!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Things

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Characteristics Situations Things

We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in 'Red Storm Rising.'

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Arms Books Communication Reading/Writing Things

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

Rare is the “improvement” that will ever repay the time lost in performing it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

(1912 – 1969) Norwegian figure skater & actress
Age Appearance Old Things

As every parent of a small child knows, converting a large object into small fragments is considerably easier than the reverse process.

(1944 – ) American computer scientist
Computers Things