Subject: Things (Page 27)

Anything is easier to take apart than it is to put together.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I just bought a microwave fireplace… you can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things Time

A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Money Things

Children and [zippers] do not respond to force… except occasionally.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Children Family Things

Jack Benny's ability on the violin was legendary; everybody knew he had none.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Music Success Things

You might be a redneck if… you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Computers Things

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Autos Children Family Things

I think they should put the wrapper of a straw on the inside because that is the part you don't want to get dirty.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Things

His car is so expensive that instead of a stereo, Pavaratti takes requests from the back seat.

Autos Exaggerations Things

If it falls off, it doesn't matter.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin size bed, wondering where my brother was.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Family Things

Why can’t Facebook end instead of Letterman?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Things

Pictures deface walls oftener than they decorate them.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator
Things

The word “user” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Intelligence Things

Perennials are the ones that grow like weeds, biennials are the ones that die this year instead of next and hardy annuals are the ones that never come up at all.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Things

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations Things

If you don’t know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

What are answering machines for if not to break up with someone who bores you?

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships Things

Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Things