Subject: Things (Page 28)

If it’s good, they’ll stop making it.

(1909 – 2001) editorial cartoonist & author
Murphy’s Laws Things

Anything is easier to take apart than it is to put together.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Batteries die at the most critical time of the most complex problem.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Things TV/Movie Quotes

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

Autos Things

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Accidents Problems Things

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Things

Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Reading/Writing Things

The days of the digital watch are numbered.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Things Time

Duct tape is like “The Force” … it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Things

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Autos Things

I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

A condominium is just an apartment with a down payment.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Everything I Know About Women I Learned From My Tractor

Book Titles Things

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

Office machines that function perfectly during normal business hours will break down when you return at night to use them for personal business.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Life People Things