Subject: Things (Page 29)

Beware of gifts bearing Greeks.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
People Places Things

The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I knew a guy who had a waterbed on a houseboat, to cancel out the rocking.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio… I don’t understand a word they’re saying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be and when I called someone they went “Aaaaahhhh…”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things

The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Activities Things

When I was 15 years old, I got my learner’s permit, which meant that the state of Florida was now obligating me to learn to drive with the two worst drivers in the world: my mom and my dad.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Autos Driving Family Parents Situations

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language Reading/Writing Things

Whatever is not nailed down is mine; what I can pry loose is not nailed down.

(1821 – 1900) American railroad magnate
People Self Things

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

My car broke down this morning before I did.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Autos Things

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

I got binoculars ’cause I don’t want to go that close.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Things

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Speech Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
America Autos People

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday… so I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Television Things

Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Everything I Know About Women I Learned From My Tractor

Book Titles Things

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things