Subject: Things (Page 29)

The one piece that holds the whole thing together will be missing.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection; my Yo-Yo… it never came back!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Things

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Things

The sun always shines between the visors.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it – that's like a whore wearing a rosary.

comedian, television host & actor
Autos Things

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Autos Children Family Mothers

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Autos Men Things

A rut is a grave with the ends knocked out.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Situations Things

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.

(1847 – 1931) American inventor, scientist & businessman
Situations Things

Chinese Food: You do not sew with a fork, and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Eating Food/Drink Things TV/Movie Quotes

I have a time machine at home; it only goes forward at regular speed.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things Time

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

I got a $290 parking ticket today… my car only cost $240.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Autos Money Things

You always find something in the last place you look.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

I had my coathangers spayed.


Things

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Autos Things

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Alcohol Beer Computers Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Things

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Reading/Writing Things

If it falls off, it doesn't matter.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things