Subject: Things (Page 29)

It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years.

(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician
Computers Future Science/Weather Things Time

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Money Things

A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Arms Beliefs Opinion Things

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realized you could watch it on TV for nothing.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Things

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

The first word you see at the airport is “terminal.”

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Things

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Beliefs Computers God Things

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs People Things

Antique: Something too old to be anything but too expensive.

Definitions Things

Your own car uses more gas and oil than anyone else's.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I got a smoke alarm at home… but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Things

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don’t need to have.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker
Entertainment Things

Anything is easier to take apart than it is to put together.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Confucius say… when driving near schools, open your eyes and save the pupils.

Autos Confucius say Things

You might be a redneck if… you've painted a car with house paint.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks Things

They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Things Travel

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex

Upgraded and Improved: Didn't work the second time.

Definitions Situations Things