Subject: Things (Page 33)

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Men Things Time Women

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Reading/Writing Things

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Things

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Autos Children Things

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

I have a map of the United States… actual size.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
America Places Things

You might be a redneck if… you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Relationships Things

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
People Things

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Autos Conflict Fathers Fights Things

Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.

Murphy’s Laws Things

It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realize that you are in a hurry.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

Byrne's Law: In any electrical circuit, appliances and wiring will burn out to protect fuses.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

If something’s old and you’re trying to sell it, it’s obsolete; if you’re trying to buy it, it’s a collector’s item.

Age Things

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Doctors Health Old Things

My car broke down this morning before I did.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Autos Things

Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Things

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

My neighbor has a circular driveway… he can’t get out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Friends Things

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Autos Occupations People Situations Women Work

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women