Subject: Things (Page 34)

Interchangeable devices won't.

Murphy’s Laws Things

A 60-day warranty guarantees that the product will self-destruct on the 61st day.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.

Murphy’s Laws Things

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Cigarettes are very like weasels — perfectly harmless unless you put one in your mouth and try to set fire to it.

(1962 – ) English comedian, singer, songwriter & playwright
Things

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

(1936 – ) novelist
Communication Food/Drink Language Things

I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Situations Things

Chinese Food: You do not sew with a fork, and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Eating Food/Drink Things TV/Movie Quotes

Expressways aren’t.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Autos Conflict Fathers Fights Things

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Computers Science/Weather Sex Things

A place you want to get to is always just off the edge of the map you happen to have handy.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Cars will not have intercourse in this bridge!

Autos Signs Translations

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
People Things

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government People Situations Things

Boston's freeway system was clearly designed by a person who had spent his childhood crashing toy trains.

American author
Places Things

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection; my Yo-Yo… it never came back!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Things

Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids; it’s SPF 80: you squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

(1961 – ) American television producer, writer, actor & comedian
Things