Subject: Things (Page 39)

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations Things

I got a new diaphragm… well, it's new to me.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Things

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Things

Any organization is like a septic tank; the really big chunks rise to the top.

(1923 – 2005) American professor
Things

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Desk: A waste basket with drawers.

Definitions Things

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes…

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Things

My watch is three hours fast, and I can’t fix it… so I’m going to move to New York.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things Time

Ever since the young men have owned motorcycles, incest has been dying out.

(1911 – 1991) Swiss playwright & novelist
Intelligence Situations Things

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

Autos Exaggerations Things

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessible spot.

Murphy’s Laws Things

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Computers Science/Weather Things

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall; if I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Beware of gifts bearing Greeks.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
People Places Things

Photograph: A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions Things

Mobile phone cancer is more common in the city; so is everything else, including sex, coffee and conversation.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Health Things

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Alcohol Beer Computers Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Things

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Money Things Work

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.

Things