Subject: Things (Page 39)

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Computers Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

You can’t trust water: even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics Things

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

Well, it sounds like a clear choice between a new wife and a new car, and frankly, since you’ve held tight to this piece of junk for over 130,000 miles, I’m a little worried about which way you’re going to go.

(1949 – ) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Things

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Things

Only after locking your toolbox/shed at the end of a DIY job do you find another tool to return to your toolbox/shed.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Autos Things

I lost a button hole.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

I hate women because they always know where things are.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
People Things Women

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Things Yogi-isms

People with honorary awards are looked upon with disfavor; would you let an honorary mechanic fix your brand-new Mercedes?

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Things

In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage.

Murphy’s Laws Things

You think it's possible for them to design an electric car that doesn't look like a gay spaceship?

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Autos Things

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? … Use the dollar as a bookmark.

(1958 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, writer & voice artist
Things

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875 … In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.

(1902 – 1982) American professional baseball executive & club owner
Miscellaneous Things