Subject: Things (Page 4)

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Do they still make wooden Christmas Trees?

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Things

Pictures deface walls oftener than they decorate them.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator
Things

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Boomerang: A working model of poetic justice.

Things

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Things

I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights and now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations Things

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Dogs Things

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician
Autos Things

Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Things

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Intelligence People Things

Reclimbing chair

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Things

All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.


Things Time

That [artificial turf], local news, the IRS, and hair dryers are the four worst inventions of the century.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Things

I got a new diaphragm… well, it's new to me.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Things

The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations Things

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Things Wives