Subject: Things (Page 4)

In California, if someone crosses the street, we'll stop.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Autos Places

I lost my mood ring and now I don't how to feel about it.

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Emotions Things

Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

Big girls need big diamonds.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Things

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall; if I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?

Situations Things

What a lucky thing the wheel was invented before the automobile; otherwise can you imagine the awful screeching?

(1890 – 1947) Russian-American screenwriter & musical composer
Autos Things

I always thought that quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be… you watch cartoons and quicksand is like the third biggest thing you have to worry about, behind

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Situations Things

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection; my Yo-Yo… it never came back!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Things

I have a map of the United States… actual size.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
America Places Things

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Murphy’s Laws Things

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things

1. Anyone else who can be blamed should be blamed. 2. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers. 3. Whenever a computer can be blamed, it should be blamed.

Computers Murphy’s Laws

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Activities Shopping Things Time

In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.

Autos Signs

Whatever is not nailed down is mine; what I can pry loose is not nailed down.

(1821 – 1900) American railroad magnate
People Self Things

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Things

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Situations Things

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos Driving Marriage Wives

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Situations Things