Subject: Things (Page 40)

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

Never buy a car you can’t push.

Autos Proverbs Things

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Housework Things Time Work

Well, it sounds like a clear choice between a new wife and a new car, and frankly, since you’ve held tight to this piece of junk for over 130,000 miles, I’m a little worried about which way you’re going to go.

(1949 – ) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Things

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Things

Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table's ready."

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Things

When putting things back together again, there will always be at least one piece left over that will not fit anywhere.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

I've got to tell you, that's a gorgeous four-and-a-half hour drive in from the airport.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places

Don’t force it; get a larger hammer.

Murphy’s Laws Things

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Money People Rednecks Things

No two people in a car can agree on which window should be open… and how much.

Autos Things

When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

You never find anything until you replace it.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Clothing Things

I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Things

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

I called the hotel operator and she said, “How can I direct your call?” I said, “Well, you could say ‘Action!', and I’ll begin to dial. And when I say ‘Goodbye’, then you can yell ‘Cut!'”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

When my wife drives, there’s always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, “There’s water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In a lake.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Problems Things