Subject: Things (Page 40)

Just tried to switch to Bing… Google was like, “You can, but it’d be a real shame if some of your old searches got out.”

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Computers Things

How To Avoid Huge Ships (Second Edition)

Book Titles Things

I installed a skylight in my apartment…. the people who live above me are furious!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Things

No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio; if all the stations are rock ‘n’ roll, there’s a good chance the transmission is shot.

(1940 – ) American radio disc jockey
Autos Entertainment Music Things

The word “user” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Intelligence Things

How to locate the slow-moving traffic lane or check-out land: Get in it.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

Mobile phone cancer is more common in the city; so is everything else, including sex, coffee and conversation.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Health Things

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

(1941 – ) actor, writer, poet & feminist
Autos Men People

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances; seems easy… you just say what the thing does and add “er.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.

Murphy’s Laws Things

User: Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Things

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.

Murphy’s Laws Things

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste… one takes to it immediately.

(1879 – 1979) English-American actor & writer
Things

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Things Wives

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Science/Weather Things

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Things Yogi-isms