Subject: Things (Page 5)

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs People Things

Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier.

Autos Misspokements Situations Things

1. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend. 2. Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. 3. Nothing minor ever happens to a car.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer.

(1931 – ) television newscaster
Computers Mistakes Problems Things

I have two rare photographs… one is Houdini locking his keys in his car; the other is Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

Twitter makes you like people you don’t know, and Facebook makes you hate people you do.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

When you need towns, they are very far apart.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

This lane ends in 500 feet.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

If it falls off, it doesn't matter.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

My car broke down this morning before I did.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Autos Things

Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

I knew my parents hated me because my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Games Things

I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Shopping Things

I'm an ice sculptor – last night I made a cube… this morning I made 12

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Things

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Things

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

Every car has a lot of speed in it. The trick is getting the speed out of it.

American auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things