Subject: Things (Page 8)

If it falls off, it doesn't matter.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

You think it's possible for them to design an electric car that doesn't look like a gay spaceship?

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Autos Things

I put a new engine in my car, but didn’t take the old one out and now my car goes 500 miles an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit that I don't need, and I refuse to share with others.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Things Wealth

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Things

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Shopping Things

I went to look for a used car; I found my wife's dress in the back seat!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Marriage Things Wives

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Places Science/Weather Things

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships Things

Chatterbox: Another name for a telephone booth.

Definitions Things

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

When I was 15 years old, I got my learner’s permit, which meant that the state of Florida was now obligating me to learn to drive with the two worst drivers in the world: my mom and my dad.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Autos Driving Family Parents Situations

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Things Time

I like to tease my plants when I water them… I like to water them with ice cubes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks… and it was way to literal for me.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Things

An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Murphy’s Laws Things