Subject: Things (Page 9)

Cars will not have intercourse in this bridge!

Autos Signs Translations

Things hate people.

Murphy’s Laws People Things

What are imitation rhinestones?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Autos Things

Whenever I hang out with a group of friends, I try to make sure we hang out clockwise… that way, if we're photographed, we are easy to identify.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Things

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Autos People Places

The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Science/Weather Things

User: The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.”

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Things

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

Saturday afternoon, although occurring at regular and well-foreseen intervals, always takes this railway by surprise.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator
Problems Things

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

Book Titles Computers Things

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Situations Things

Cottonballs are an example of something I’d want to buy, but not have as a nickname.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

If we had less statesmanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Arms Conflict Government Military Things War

People on horses look better than they are; people in cars look worse than they are.

(1904 – 1990) American author & critic
Animals Appearance Autos Things

When I was younger, I really wanted a skateboard but my parents couldn't afford one; so one morning, I woke up early and went to the garage, I got some wood and some nails… and beat my parents to death.

My foster parents bought me 5 skateboards.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Parents Things

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

Paper is always strongest at the perforations.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Why are there no “during” pictures?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things Time