Subject: Time (Page 12)

The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

Government Murphy’s Laws Time

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Time TV/Movie Quotes

Tradition is what you resort to when you don’t have the time or the money to do it right.

(1905 – 1988) Austrian-born American conductor
Money Situations Time

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years.

Computers Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Things Time

I like to reminisce with people I don’t know… granted, it takes longer.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Past Time

Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised; and there's a reason – all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Past Time

Up at the crank of dawn.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops Time

I don’t want to say the wait was long, but the guy in front of me was being treated for a musket wound.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Health Time

If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor & comedian
Time TV/Movie Quotes

The length of time it takes a bill to pass through the legislature is in inverse proportion to the number of lobbying groups favoring it.

Government Law Murphy’s Laws Time

Everything costs more and takes longer.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them at least five years.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements Time

I recommend you to take care of the minutes, for the hours will take care of themselves.

Lord Chesterfield (1694 – 1773) British statesman
Life Time

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Time Work

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Time

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Sports Time

A very short one.

(1875 – 1997) French, 120 year old woman
Age Future Time

No matter how long it takes for you to get back to pick up the shoes the shoemaker will tell you that they won't be ready until tomorrow.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Future Time