Subject: Time (Page 15)

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years; it lasted forty-three years.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Conflict Parents Relationships Time

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Housework Things Time Work

Why do they collect garbage at 5 a.m.; it’s garbage… it’s not going to go bad again.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Situations Time

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money Past Time

The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

Government Murphy’s Laws Time

So many men, so little time.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Time

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

(1837 – 1920) American author
Insults People Relationships Time

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Language Past Time

It's better to retire too soon than too late.

Murphy’s Laws Time

I was a peripheral visionary; I could see the future, but only way off to the side.I was a peripheral visionary; I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Future Time

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Time Work

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Situations Time

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Future Time

What Orwell failed to predict was that we’d buy the cameras ourselves… and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching.

Future Science/Weather Time

A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

American business woman & magazine editor
History Time

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is — he’s the reason you all live underground.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Death Future People Time

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Characteristics Time

History is a pack of lies about events that never happened told by people who weren’t there.

(1863 – 1952) Spanish American philosopher, essayist, poet & novelist
History Time

Styrofoam is biodegradable; you people are just impatient.

American comedian & writer
Science/Weather Time

Adding manpower to a late technology project only makes it later.

Murphy’s Laws People Time