Subject: Time (Page 2)

Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised; and there's a reason – all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Past Time

I’ve developed a new philosophy… I’m only going to dread one day at a time.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist
Intelligence Life Time

My wife and I were happy for twenty years… before we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Time Wives

I just bought a microwave fireplace… you can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things Time

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Government Law Lawyers Money Time

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

Food/Drink Life Murphy’s Laws Time

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Eating Food/Drink Time

Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Time TV/Movie Quotes

The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five minutes before you get off work.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

I grew up in Europe… where the history comes from.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
History Places Time

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Activities Past People Time

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Age Congress Government Time

To the question: Do married people live longer?

Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Life Marriage Time

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

American business woman & magazine editor
History Time

The speed of time is one second per second.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Time

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
People Time

[Paul Revere] did warn the British… and I know my American history.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
History Misspokements

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Future Relationships Situations Time

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before.

Murphy’s Laws Time

Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can get done sometime next week.

Murphy’s Laws Time

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Conflict Killing Life People Time