Subject: Time (Page 25)

Styrofoam is biodegradable; you people are just impatient.

American comedian & writer
Science/Weather Time

The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

Government Murphy’s Laws Time

Nothing puzzles me more than time and space; and yet nothing troubles me less, as I never think about them.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Characteristics Science/Weather Time

Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
Communication Misspokements Speech Time

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time,” so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Eating Food/Drink History Time

What year did Jesus think it was?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
History Time

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

I was born nine months premature.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Age Situations Time

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Situations Time

My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Marriage Time Wives

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol
Things Time

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Situations Time

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday; I’ll tell you what… never again.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Activities Time

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Conflict Future Things Time War

Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Mistakes Problems Situations Time

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Time

I bought a clock, but the big hand broke off of it… so I just added “ish” to every number.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Time

A committee takes hours to put into minutes what can be done in seconds.

People Time

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Situations Time