Subject: Time (Page 6)

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

My watch is three hours fast, and I can’t fix it… so I’m going to move to New York.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

History does not repeat itself; historians simply repeat each other.

It’s not only a race against the clock but a race against time itself.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years… before we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Historical fancy is more persistent than historical fact.

A committee takes hours to put into minutes what can be done in seconds.

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only more expensive.

(1937 – 2000) science fiction author

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.

Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.

Lerman's Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

I try to take it one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

What year did Jesus think it was?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

History: An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.