Subject: Tom Swifties

Tom Swifties:

A Tom Swifty is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed. The name comes from the Tom Swift series of books.

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

“That may cause my violin strings to snap,” was Tom’s gut reaction.

“My giant sea creature died,” Tom wailed blubberingly.

“I want to date other women,” said Tom unsteadily.

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

“I’ll get you out of prison in no time,” said Tom balefully.

“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.

“I have no recollection of the last twenty-four hours,” said Tom lackadaisically.

“I don’t want to rewrite this in prose,” said Tom aversely.

“Nobody has scored yet in the tennis game,” said Tom lovingly.

“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.

“I’ve been having an incontinence problem,” Tom gushed.

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

“Come up to my apartment,” Tom said flatly.

“Wool is better than cotton,” Tom said sheepishly.

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

“Nay!” said Tom hoarsely.

“And to think I swallowed that lie, hook, line and sinker!” Tom gulped.

“Ignore the first three turnings,” directed Tom forthrightly.

“Sesame,” said Tom openly.