Subject: Tom Swifties (Page 23)

“I’ve been having an incontinence problem,” Tom gushed.

“Let’s all play an A, a C#, and an E”, cried the band with one accord.

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

“Ought I to do this?” asked Tom with a shudder.

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

“This steamroller is amazing,” said Tom flatteringly.

“Those cobs are amazing!” said Tom cornily.

“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.

“Don’t let me drown in Egypt!” pleaded Tom, deep in denial.

“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.

“I want a motorized bicycle,” Tom moped.

“This must be an aerobics class,” Tom worked out.

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.

“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.

“Take me to the dance,” Mary bawled.

“England is okay, except there seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse”, said Tom aloofly.

“I’m being sent down to the minors,” said Tom beleagueredly.

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.