Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Lobster Greenberg

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

It’s not something you can just run away from like a hotel bill… or a crying baby.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
TV/Movie Quotes

That’s the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!

(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

The littlest things can set women off – like, “Hey, the waitress is hot! I bet we could get her to come home with us.” Or, “How much does your mom weigh? I want to know what I’m getting into.”

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

Sam: You know what Woody, you just gave me something to think about.

Woody: I’m sorry Sam, I hate it when someone does that to me.

(1961 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

It is not true that sex degrades women… if it is any good.

(1965 – ) English comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.’

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I’m going to take the high road, and just because I’m high.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

I described you in terms which were positively glowing, which is exactly how I’d like to see you in Hell.

(1958 – ) American actress, musician & dancer
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Patsy: Well, what am I supposed to do if you die?

Edina: Get cabs!

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Mitch: Hi Curly. Killed anyone today?
Curly: The day ain’t over yet…

(1919 – 2006) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Ain’t no use running, fool! I know where your mama parks your house!

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & skateboarder
TV/Movie Quotes

Morticia: When we first met years ago, it was an evening much like this. Magic in the air. A boy.
Gomez: A girl.
Morticia: An open grave. It was my first funeral.
Gomez: You were so beautiful. Pale and mysterious. No one even looked at the corpse.

(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Woody: What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?

Another layer for the winter, Woody.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you, a lot of them were hung.

(1956 – ) English-Canadian actress
TV/Movie Quotes

There's a man outside with a big black mustache; tell him I've got one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

I know, I know. We are your chosen people. But once in a while can’t you choose someone else?

(1935 – ) Israeli theatrical & film performer & singer
TV/Movie Quotes

I’m not suicidal. I just wish I had never been born. There’s a difference.

(1953 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

[doorbell rings] Peg, could you get that? It’s probably the ‘Homeless: It Could Be Worse’ Tour.

(1946 – ) American actor
Life TV/Movie Quotes