Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

Why doncha get some chinkypuncture?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

If you ever need someone to drink with, I’ll drink with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll drink with you. I guess what I’m trying to say is: I love to drink!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?

cartoon character in, The Simpsons (Harry Shearer)
Money TV/Movie Quotes

Luna: So then, what do you believe in?

Miles: Sex and death – two things that come once in a lifetime… but at least after death, you're not nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Can I draw you a beer, Norm?

No, I know what they look like; just pour me one.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

We're Bundys. We don't call the cops. People call them on us.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
TV/Movie Quotes

That’s it! I can't take this anymore! … This is worse than Chinese Waiter Torture.

(1971 – ) American actress
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

Once the Earth goes, the planet is going to be next!

(1971 – ) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Which reminds me of the time an Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, a Vicar, a Rabbi and a Priest all go into a bar and the barman looks up and says ‘Is this a joke?’

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Ever since Renee, models from Iman to Cheryl Tiegs have only had one name!

(1971 – ) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Whaddya say, Norm?

Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Today I’m handing out lollipops and ass-whoopins and right now, I’m all out of lollipops.

(1968 – ) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Dr. Beeper: I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.

Ty Webb: I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Golf TV/Movie Quotes

When life gives you lemons, just say ‘Fuck the lemons’ and bail.

(1969 - ) American actor, comedian, & screenwriter
Life Problems TV/Movie Quotes

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

Will you describe the [stolen] car, please? Black fenders, silver doors, green hood, polka-dot seat covers, monkey-fur dashboard… maybe it wasn’t stolen; maybe it ran away.

(1917 – 1979) Japanese-American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.

Liz: That's his opinion.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

L.A.!? We're going to Long Island!?

(1971 – ) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Debbie Jellinsky: These Addams men, where do you find them?

Morticia: It has to be damp.

(1951 – ) American actress & director
TV/Movie Quotes