Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Too long they’ve been gettin’ the short end of the totem pole.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Mixed metaphors TV/Movie Quotes

Harder than braiding a mule's tail during fly season.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
TV/Movie Quotes

A wed wose. How womantic.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Men don’t like to cuddle. We only like it if it leads to… you know… lower cuddling.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Beverly LaSalle: I’m a female impersonator.

Edith Bunker: Oh, ain’t that smart. Who better to impersonate a female than a woman?

(1923 – 2013) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
America Places TV/Movie Quotes

Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious?
Dr. Rumack I am serious… and don’t all me Shirley.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I have an interesting case. I’ m treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’ m getting paid by eight people.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

The man ain’t got a regleamin’ feature.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

Sonja: Of course there’s a God! We’re made in His image!
Boris: You think I was made in God’s image? Take a look at me. You think He wears glasses?
Sonja: Not with those frames.

1946 – ) American film actress, director & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

It ain’t exactly the Pope Diamond.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

(1943 – 2010) English actress
God Life TV/Movie Quotes

I love my family, but that is no reason why I need to acknowledge them in public.

(1929 – ) English actress & singer
Family TV/Movie Quotes

Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? … How much?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

You were 15 before you realized there was a correlation between getting beaten up every day and going to school wearing a Panama hat.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
TV/Movie Quotes

Cliff: Carla made love to a PhD from MIT?

Coach: Hey look you guys, if you can't say it in front of me don't say it at all.

(1924 – 1985) American actor & television director
TV/Movie Quotes

Time to cleanse my palette – I’m gonna get a beer.

(1940 – 2018) English-American actor & comedian
Beer Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

That’s what Abel was saying when he got it in the back from his own brother with a cane.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes