Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

What lovely girls. How would you like a life of luxury and deceit?

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Oh, why can’t we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean… flee to my lodge in the hills.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Pete: Just don’t ask me to lend you any money.

Ben Stone: Can I just – have some?

(1982 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, producer, director & screenwriter
TV/Movie Quotes

Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!

(1892 –1957) American comic actor (of Laurel & Hardy)
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Jim: You know, you really need to clean up those bathrooms.
Alex Rieger: You just came from the kitchen.
Jim: Thank God.

(1938 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

With the shape I’m in you could donate my body to science fiction.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Do you think that suppository is gonna be safe from me there, Edith?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

The trees are so fer apart the woodpeckers got to tote their lunch.

(1902 – 1973) American actress
Places TV/Movie Quotes

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

With a little study you’ll go a long ways… and I wish you’d start now.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Many a man's lost his best friend by marrying her.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Cooking Eating Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Will you describe the [stolen] car, please? Black fenders, silver doors, green hood, polka-dot seat covers, monkey-fur dashboard… maybe it wasn’t stolen; maybe it ran away.

(1917 – 1979) Japanese-American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

Frasier: I just came off a seven year marriage. It’s hard to think of replacing Lilith.

Carla: Just go to the morgue and open any drawer.

(1948 – ) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at storks.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Do we have to keep talking about religion? It’s Christmas!

(1981 – ) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Lilith: Frazer; how can you expect Frederick to develop the verbal skills he’ll need if you sit around with him in a bar all day?

[Norm enters and says:] “Evening everybody!

[baby] Frederick: Norm!

television character in “Cheers”
TV/Movie Quotes

Frasier: I’m having a young lady over on Friday night. I was hoping that maybe you could take Dad out for me.
Niles: Oh, I wish you’d said Saturday.
Frasier: Why? You have plans Friday?
Niles: No, I have plans Saturday.

(1959 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Dr. Pinderschloss: The human spirit, it is a very difficult thing to kill.

Grandma: Even with a chainsaw!


TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, I’m going to miss you so much; and it’s not just the sex; it’s also the food preparation.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes