Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Waiter: Would you like to have anything before lunch?
Chico: Yes, breakfast.

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers
Eating Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

But they have one great redeeming feature: their wallets! More capacious than an elephant’s scrotum, and just as difficult to get your hands on!

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

To you Niles, a sketchy neighborhood is when the cheese shop doesn’t have valet parking.

(1940 – 2018) English-American actor & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Rachel: Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they’re perfect. I love you.
Ross: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?
Rachel: Now I love you even more.

(1969 – ) American actress, film director & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

Today Chicago, tomorrow's Saturday.

(1971 – ) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Africa is God's country, and He can have it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Places TV/Movie Quotes

[to the family] Dinner's gonna be late. [goes outside] Here, boy! Here, boy!


TV/Movie Quotes

The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.’

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.

(1933 – ) American comic actor, director, screenwriter & author
Conflict Killing TV/Movie Quotes

Meet me down in the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

Up the creek in a boat with a hole.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Mixed metaphors TV/Movie Quotes

[Sam and Diane are fighting… yet again] Carla: Oh, now why would I want to miss this? Yet another episode of The Young and the Chestless?

(1948 – ) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Married. I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can’t see the stove.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I never tried.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
TV/Movie Quotes

You can fight and all of you will die, or you can surrender in which case only most of you will die.

(1967 – ) English actor
Fights TV/Movie Quotes

Today I’m handing out lollipops and ass-whoopins and right now, I’m all out of lollipops.

(1968 – ) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
Blackadder: Yes Baldrick. Let us not forget you tried to solve the problem of your mother’s low ceiling by cutting off her head.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

(1932 – 2005) Canadian actor
Life TV/Movie Quotes

This place stinks like a pair of armored trousers after the Hundred Years War.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Marge, you know it's rude to talk when my mouth is full.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes