Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 13)

Peerless Pauline: I’ve waited so long to find someone like you.

J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, someone like me, I’m not good enough for you, eh?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Poker? Is that the game where one receives five cards, and if there’s two alike that’s pretty good, but if there’s three alike that’s much better?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

You’re gonna look pretty funny trying to eat corn on the cob with no f**king teeth.

(1936 – 2011) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't a lie, it was just bullshit.

(1952 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & singer
Lies TV/Movie Quotes

My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family TV/Movie Quotes

Al: Anything for dinner, Peg?

Peg: Get a wife!

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Will you describe the [stolen] car, please? Black fenders, silver doors, green hood, polka-dot seat covers, monkey-fur dashboard… maybe it wasn’t stolen; maybe it ran away.

(1917 – 1979) Japanese-American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Sandy: I want you to kill every gopher on the course!

Carl: Check me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Golf Sports TV/Movie Quotes

Penny: Howard, cow tipping – real or not?

Howard: I’m going to say not. That’s just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she’s snoring.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
TV/Movie Quotes

Men love to be thought of as funny… except when they’re in bed.

(1968 – ) American actress & singer
Men Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Can’t you be indelicate for once?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

I’m not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Lulubelle, it’s you! I didn’t recognize you standing up.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

(1967 – ) American actor & producer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
TV/Movie Quotes

Busty Female Shop Assistant: Is this some kind of bust?

Lt. Frank Drebin: Well… it's very impressive, yes, but we need to ask you a few questions.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

The Dago on the Yarmulke.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

I'm on the horns of an enema.

(1971 – ) American actress
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

Sam: What’d you like Normie?

Norm: A reason to live. Give me another beer.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes