TV/Movie Quotes | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 30)

Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes… it lasts forever.

Paul Rudd

(1969 - ) American actor, comedian, & screenwriter

TV/Movie Quotes As Pete in “Knocked Up”

The only things we Crane boys are skilled at catching are sarcastic nuances and the occasional virus.

David Hyde Pierce

(1959 – ) American actor

TV/Movie Quotes As Niles Crane in “Frasier”

Why was I with her? … she reminds me of you… in fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

TV/Movie Quotes As Otis B. Driftwood in “A Night at the Opera”

And God, I promise… no more sex with anybody… unless they really, really, need it.

Rue McClanahan

(1934 – 2010) American actress

Sex TV/Movie Quotes As Blanche Devereaux in “The Golden Girls”

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.

Johnny Depp

(1963 – ) American actor & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”

Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.

Christina Ricci

(1980 – ) American actress

TV/Movie Quotes As Wednesday Addams in “The Addams Family” Babies

Thornton Melon: What’s your favorite subject?
Bubbles: Poetry.
Melon: Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.

Rodney Dangerfield

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

TV/Movie Quotes As Thornton Melon in “Back to School”

You wear the pants, Liz. You don’t necessarily pull them off, because of your hips, but you wear them.

Jane Krakowski

(1968 – ) American actress & singer

TV/Movie Quotes As Jenna Maroney in “30 Rock”

This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on.

Groucho Marx

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Animals TV/Movie Quotes As Captain Spaulding in “Animal Crackers” Bears

No, I think that was when Abraham Lincoln signed the Declaration of Independence. Ya know, “Fourscore and seven years ago.”

Archie Bunker

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

When all else fails, play dead.

Steve Smith

(1945 – ) Canadian comedian & actor

Problems TV/Movie Quotes As Red Green in “The Red Green Show” Play dead

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Jean Kerr

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright

Government Law Lawyers Marriage TV/Movie Quotes Friendly divorce Mortician

Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can’t come.

Jeff Goldblum

(1952 – ) American actor

TV/Movie Quotes As Michael Gold in “The Big Chill” Funerals

Waitress: And another thing, don’t be so free with your hands.
Fields: Listen honey. I was only trying to guess your weight.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

Soldier: He was from my village. He was the village idiot.
Boris: Yeah, what did you do, place?

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

TV/Movie Quotes As Boris in “Love and Death”

Sam: You know what Woody, you just gave me something to think about.
Woody: I’m sorry Sam, I hate it when someone does that to me.

Woody Harrelson

(1961 – ) American actor

TV/Movie Quotes As Woody Boyd in “Cheers”

You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the best Supporting Actor.

Harvey Korman

(1927 – 2008) American comedic actor

TV/Movie Quotes As Hedley Lamarr in “Blazing Saddles”

You look like the poster boy for birth control.

Rodney Dangerfield

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

TV/Movie Quotes

Nice boy… but he's got more nerve than a bum tooth

Foghorn Leghorn

cartoon character (Mel Blanc)

TV/Movie Quotes Nerve

Army recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That’s robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.
Ziskey: Never convicted.

Harold Ramis

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer

Crime TV/Movie Quotes As Russell Ziskey in “Stripes”

[Peggy finds a litter of assorted kittens on her seat] Peggy: I wonder what their parents were.
Professor Quail: Careless, my little dove cake, careless.