Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 46)

Paul: Would somebody like to listen to my announcement?

[his daughter Kerry: Switched at birth. Please say I was switched at birth.

(1979 – ) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Richard Finch: Why do you wanna work on television?
Bridget: I’ve got to leave my job because I shagged my boss.
Richard Finch: Fair enough. Start on Monday.

(1969 – ) American actress & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

God gave men brains larger than dogs so they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

(1975 – ) American actress, film director, screenwriter & author
Men TV/Movie Quotes

Ellen Griswold: Gee Cath, looks like you really got your hands full.

Catherine: Oh, it’s not so bad. Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs.

(1951 – ) American actress
TV/Movie Quotes

Linda: Would you like us to call a doctor?

Allan: No, no, I could use a three foot band-aid.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Can I draw you a beer, Norm?

No, I know what they look like; just pour me one.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?

Melvin: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

(1937 – ) American actor
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

[after sex with the monster] Oh, where you going?… Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you’re out with the boys to boast and brag.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

That could be Kelly with her new boyfriend. Take care of him quick, like you do me.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
TV/Movie Quotes

Colonel Blake: Hawkeye Pierce? I got a twix about you… says you stole a jeep up at Headquarters.

Hawkeye Pierce: No sir, no, I didn’t steal it. No, it’s right outside.

(1935 – ) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I have an agreement with the houseflies; the flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

So we finish 18 and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, ‘Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.’ And he says, ‘Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.’ … So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.

(1896 – 1988) American actor
Definitions TV/Movie Quotes

Uhh. It smells like a skunk that came out of the ass of another skunk.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
TV/Movie Quotes

Aunt Esther: My body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey.

Fred: And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

That’s the kind of luck poor Mr. Lincoln had the night he went to the movies, and he sat in John Wilkes’ booth.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

It must have been tough on your mother, not having any children.

(1911 – 1995) American actress, dancer & singer
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Leonard: What were you doing at Penny’s?

Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you’ll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of ‘friends with benefits.'

(1973 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes