Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 51)

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he’s coming over here to claim his pound of fish.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

During an interview Condoleezza Rice describes her stance on abortion as ‘mildly pro-choice,’ which means she would support abortion, except in cases where the mother is pregnant.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Ross: All right, I’ll tell you why you’re a bad driver. You’re fast and irresponsible.

Rachel: Well, excuse me, but in high school that made me head cheerleader.

(1969 – ) American actress, film director & producer

I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

These dice are colder than my first wife.

Peter Falk (1927 – 2011) American actor

I want to be cremated and have my ashes thrown on Robert Redford.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality

Sergeant Hulka: Soldier, I’ve noticed that you’re always last.
John Winger: I’m pacing myself, Sergeant.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian

Turkey can never beat cow.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

Morticia: When we first met years ago, it was an evening much like this. Magic in the air. A boy.
Gomez: A girl.
Morticia: An open grave. It was my first funeral.
Gomez: You were so beautiful. Pale and mysterious. No one even looked at the corpse.

(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor

I have an interesting case. I’m treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’m getting paid by eight people.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

Incidentally, [Carla] I’ve taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I’ll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint.

(1958 – ) American actress, musician & dancer

Nora: You know, that sounds like an interesting case. Why don’t you take it?
Nick: I haven’t the time. I’m much too busy seeing that you don’t lose any of the money I married you for.

(1892 – 1984) American actor

Aah beer, the cause of – and solution to – all life’s problems. 

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.

(1963 – ) American actor & producer

Coach: Beer, Normie?

Norm: Coach: I don’t know. I’ll have one next week… what the heck, I’m young.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

Eyes, fingers, toes: two, ten, eleven.

(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor

Maybe I’d like to run around the house my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)