Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
TV/Movie Quotes
(Page 61)
A man does what he has to do… if he can’t get out of it.
James Garner
(1928 – 2014) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes
As Bret Maverick in “Maverick”
That’s what Columbus said to the Indians just before he gypped ’em out of Manhattan.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements
TV/Movie Quotes
A jester unemployed is nobody’s fool.
Danny Kaye
(1913 – 1987) American actor, singer, dancer & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes
As Hubert Hawkins in “The Court Jester”
Jester
Hey, Alex – You know the really great thing about television? If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day… you can always change the channel.
Christopher Lloyd
(1938 – ) American actor
Entertainment
Television
TV/Movie Quotes
As Jim Ignatowski in “Taxi”
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Cooking
Eating
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
From “Play It Again
Sam”
TV dinners
Stamped inedibly on my heart.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops
TV/Movie Quotes
Indelibly
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes
Ugly
As Al Czervik in “Caddyshack”
Nice boy… but he's got more nerve than a bum tooth
Foghorn Leghorn
cartoon character (Mel Blanc)
TV/Movie Quotes
Nerve
I’ve smoked since I was five… mother insisted.
Raul Julia
(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor
TV/Movie Quotes
As Gomez Addams in “The Addams Family”
Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?Fred: I’m calling you ugly, I could push our face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.
Redd Foxx
(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance
TV/Movie Quotes
Ugly
As Fred Sanford in “Sanford and Son”
Men gets these here, waddya call,
surges,
where the
chromostones
are burlin’ over.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops
TV/Movie Quotes
Chromosomes
Urges
We produce more failed pilots than the French air force.
Alec Baldwin
(1958 – ) American actor & producer
Entertainment
Television
TV/Movie Quotes
As Jack Donaghy in “30 Rock”
I like Mexico; it’s so… Mexican.
Eve Arden
(1908 – 1990) American actress
Places
TV/Movie Quotes
As Ida Corwin in “Mildred Pierce”
Mexico
That’s Grossberger, the biggest mass murderer in the history of the southwest. He killed his entire family and all of his relatives in one weekend… and then he killed some more people that reminded him of his family.
Georg Stanford Brown
(1943 – ) Cuban-American actor & director
TV/Movie Quotes
As Rory in “Stir Crazy”
Dr. Beeper: I thought you’d be the man to beat this year. Ty Webb: I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.
Chevy Chase
(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Golf
TV/Movie Quotes
As Ty Webb in “Caddyshack”
You can leave in a taxi… If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff… if that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes
As Rufus T. Firefly in “Duck Soup”
Leaving
One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the world’s your gynecologist.
Joanna Lumley
(1946 – ) English actress, model & author
TV/Movie Quotes
As Patsy in “Absolutely Fabulous”
When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
Homer Simpson
cartoon character in
The Simpsons
(Dan Castellaneta)
Television
TV/Movie Quotes
Waiter: Would you like to have anything before lunch?Chico: Yes, breakfast.
‘Chico’ Marx
(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers
Eating
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
In “Monkey Business”
Mr. Buckman: Our Amanda’s already skipped two grades. How about your boy?
Gomez: Probation!
Raul Julia
(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor
TV/Movie Quotes
As Gomez Addams in “Addams Family Values”
Looks like the cows have come home to roost.
Leslie Nielsen
(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Mixed metaphors
TV/Movie Quotes
As Lt. Frank Drebin in “The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear”
Page 61 of 78
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