Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 63)

Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today – you run over a small child or something?

(1931 – ) American actress

Kelly: Topeka! I have found it!
Peggy: I don’t think you mean “Topeka.”
Kelly: Oh yeah. Urethra! I have found it!

(1971 – ) American actress

Coach: Whatcha up to Norm?

Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Like the Good Book says, let him who is without sin… be the rollin’ stone.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Today I’m handing out lollipops and ass-whoopins and right now, I’m all out of lollipops.

(1968 – ) American actress

I think I see a cab. If we run quickly we can kick the crutch from that old lady and get it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Grandmama Addams: Fester, You're not cheating!

Uncle Fester: Sorry.

(1914 – 1984) American actor

I would have brung you flowers too, but I read in a magazine that they suck up all the carbon monoxygen.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

The finest woman that ever walked the streets.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

The devil and all his nimps.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Beverly LaSalle: I’m a female impersonator.

Edith Bunker: Oh, ain’t that smart. Who better to impersonate a female than a woman?

(1923 – 2013) American actress

I have an interesting case. I’m treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’m getting paid by eight people.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Thats like saying Prada’s are just shoes, or vodka is just a morning beverage!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

You want me to strap her [dead Aunt Edna] to the hood? She’ll be fine. It’s not as if it’s going to rain or something.

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor

What’ll it be, Normie?

Just the usual, Coach… I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up.’

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

At the dedication of his Presidential Library, George W. Bush said it’s long been his dream to build a building for teenagers to drink behind.

(1973 – ) American comedian, actor & television host