TV/Movie Quotes | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 68)

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Monica Banta: You must be Louie.
Louie De Palma: How did you know my name?
Monica: I only had three people described to me. One was smart, one was good-looking, and one was you.

Julie Kavner

(1950 – ) American actress & comedian

TV/Movie Quotes As Monica Banta in “Taxi”

Ed Hocken: I sent the note to the lab. They’re demanding one million dollars.
Drebin: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?

Leslie Nielsen

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

TV/Movie Quotes As Lt. Frank Drebin in “Police Squad”

Woody: What’s a Freudian Slip?
Cliff: That’s when you say one thing when you’re actually thinking about a mother.

John Ratzenberger

(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur

TV/Movie Quotes As Cliff Clavin in “Cheers” Freudian Slip

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Miscellaneous TV/Movie Quotes

I’m drowning here, and you’re describing the water!

Jack Nicholson

(1937 – ) American actor

Situations TV/Movie Quotes As Melvin Udall in “As Good as It Gets”

Usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.

John Gielgud

(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer

Insults TV/Movie Quotes As Hobson in “Arthur”

What is this? … A center for ants? … (points to a scale model of the new library) How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read… if they can’t even fit inside the building?

Ben Stiller

(1965 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter, director & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Derek “Zoolander” who doesn’t understand the concept of a scale model

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face.

Dolly Parton

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress

Appearance Time TV/Movie Quotes As Truvy in “Steel Magnolias” Face

I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

Shirley MacLaine

(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author

TV/Movie Quotes As Ouiser in “Steel Magnolias”

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, you figure it out.

Megan Mullally

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

Beer Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes As Karen Walker on “Will & Grace”

When Martha Stewart reported to prison yesterday, she was subjected to an invasive strip search that included a squat and cough, during which she laid two perfect blue speckled eggs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

We went skinny dipping and we did things that frightened the fish.

Julia Roberts

(1967 – ) American actress & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Shelby in “Steel Magnolias”

This week British Prime Minister Tony Blair was re-elected to a record-setting third term as George Bush’s bitch.

Amy Poehler

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

TV/Movie Quotes Tony Blair

Margot: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
Margot: Yeah… luckily!

Jessica Cauffiel

(1976 – ) American actress & singer

TV/Movie Quotes As Margot in “Legally Blonde”

Even communism works… in theory.

Homer Simpson

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

TV/Movie Quotes Communism

Thornton Melon: Look, I’m throwing a little party in our room tonight, and you’d better be there.
Diane: Oh, I’m sorry. I have a date with Philip tonight.
Melon: [groans] Bring him along! We may run outta ice.

Rodney Dangerfield

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

TV/Movie Quotes As Thornton Melon in “Back to School”

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

Judd Hirsch

(1935 – ) American actor

Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work As Alex Reiger in “Taxi”

Dr. Frankenstein: What knockers! (referring to giant door knockers)
Inge: Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Terry Garr

(1944 – ) American actress & dancer

TV/Movie Quotes As Inga in “Young Frankenstein” Breasts

Egbert: Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?
Bartender: Yeah.
Egbert: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick”

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

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Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 68)

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

Monica Banta: You must be Louie.
Louie De Palma: How did you know my name?
Monica: I only had three people described to me. One was smart, one was good-looking, and one was you.

Ed Hocken: I sent the note to the lab. They’re demanding one million dollars.
Drebin: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?

Woody: What’s a Freudian Slip?
Cliff: That’s when you say one thing when you’re actually thinking about a mother.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I’m drowning here, and you’re describing the water!

Usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.

What is this? … A center for ants? … (points to a scale model of the new library) How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read… if they can’t even fit inside the building?

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face.

I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, you figure it out.

When Martha Stewart reported to prison yesterday, she was subjected to an invasive strip search that included a squat and cough, during which she laid two perfect blue speckled eggs.

We went skinny dipping and we did things that frightened the fish.

This week British Prime Minister Tony Blair was re-elected to a record-setting third term as George Bush’s bitch.

Margot: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
Margot: Yeah… luckily!

Even communism works… in theory.

Thornton Melon: Look, I’m throwing a little party in our room tonight, and you’d better be there.
Diane: Oh, I’m sorry. I have a date with Philip tonight.
Melon: [groans] Bring him along! We may run outta ice.

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

Dr. Frankenstein: What knockers! (referring to giant door knockers)
Inge: Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Egbert: Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?
Bartender: Yeah.
Egbert: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?