Subject: TV/Movie Quotes (Page 72)

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Honey, that is not my soul you’re looking at.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

I don’ t know if you’ ve read my book, “Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing.”

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I work for myself. I’m what ya call an entramanure.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Cleo Borden: Yeah, for a long time I was ashamed of the way I lived.
Young Fellow: You mean to say you reformed?
Cleo Borden: No, I got over being ashamed.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

But they have one great redeeming feature: their wallets! More capacious than an elephant’s scrotum, and just as difficult to get your hands on!

(1955 – ) English actor

Cliff: Sometimes I’m ashamed God made me a man.

Carla: I don’t think God’s doing a whole lot of bragging about it either.

(1948 – ) American actress

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You can leave in a taxi… If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff… if that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Grace: You said that money is no object

Karen: Oh honey, that’s just a saying, like ‘Ooh… that sounds like fun.’ or ‘I love you.’

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

Morticia: Think of Romeo and Juliet.
Gomez: They died!
Morticia: Oh, but what fun they had those last three days.

(1930 – 1983) American actress

Barney: I think of you as experienced. In an emergency, you would be the first one that I’d call.
Fish: You should call me first. I need time to put my teeth in.

(1921 – ) American actor

Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it’s really no fun lying to them anymore.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

When life gives you lemons, just say ‘Fuck the lemons’ and bail.

(1969 - ) American actor, comedian, & screenwriter

If he don’t go calling the cops “pigs” or one of those other epilets…

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

I’ll have what she’s having.

(1914 – 2008) American actress & singer

God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

(1943 – 2010) English actress

For years I wouldn’t kiss my mother-in-law on the cheek… and I end up kissing her ass!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

You can’t fool me! There ain’t no Sanity Clause!

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers

I thought to myself, join the army… it’s free; so I figured while I’m here I’ll lose a few pounds… I’m going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin’ Machine!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian