Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 2)

My girlfriend likes to play doctor; so I always make her wait 90 minutes before I see her.

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor
Occupations Sex

A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air; a psychotic is the person who lives in it; a psychiatrist is the one who collects the rent.

(1915 – 2004) American playwright & author
Occupations People Work

… there are three sexes – men, women, and clergymen.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Occupations People

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Occupations Science/Weather Work

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Judge: Mr. Smith, have you ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that youth and discretion are ill-wed companions?

Smith: Indeed I have, your Honour; and has your Honour ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that a much talking Judge is like an ill-tuned cymbal?

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Insults Occupations Work

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Government Men Occupations People Work

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Things Work

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Misspokements Occupations Opinion

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday… how you doing… no worries next.”

(1964 – ) English comedian
Occupations Places Work

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Occupations People Places Work

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

(1974 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

The first requirement of a statesman is that he be dull.


(1893 – 1971) American statesman & lawyer
Government Occupations Work

Cosmologists are often in error, but never in doubt.

(1908 – 1968) Soviet physicist
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college, working for my parents as their daughter.

(1977 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

I used to be a mime…. but now I can talk about it…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Entertainment Occupations Speech Work

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work