Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 3)

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession a good accountant is a debit to his profession.

(1797 – 1875) American accountant
Occupations Work

A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Communication Occupations Work

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Education Occupations Work

I dedicate this show to my dad who was a roofer… so dad, if you’re up there…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Occupations Work

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

(1974 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Government Men Occupations People Work

Ambassador: An honest man sent abroad to lie for the good of his country.

(1568 – 1639) English author, diplomat & politician
Government Occupations

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent… unless the job is a statistician.

Comedian
Occupations Work

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

I think that’s what they call professional courtesy.

(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer
Occupations

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

No real English gentleman, in his secret soul, was ever sorry for the death of a political economist.

(1826 – 1877) English economist & journalist
Occupations Work

History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.

(1889 – 1944) English historian
History Occupations Time

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Autos Occupations People Situations Women Work

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

The Lord taught me to love everybody, but the last ones I learned to love were the sportswriters.

(1922 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Occupations Sports Work