Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 4)

My girlfriend likes to play doctor; so I always make her wait 90 minutes before I see her.

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor
Occupations Sex

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer
Occupations Work

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl's tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.

Golf Occupations Sports Work

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Occupations Taxes

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Acting: A good training for political life; the only problem is the speeches are harder to learn.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Acting Entertainment Occupations

The longer the title, the less important the job.

(1922 – 2012) American historian, author, U.S. Representative & Senator (South Dakota)
Occupations Work

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Occupations Work

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

First rate mathematicians choose first rate people, but second rate mathematicians choose third rate people.

(1906 – 1998) French mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

It is easier to square the circle than to get round a mathematician.

(1806 – 1871) English mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

The Lord taught me to love everybody, but the last ones I learned to love were the sportswriters.

(1922 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Occupations Sports Work

I started my career in kindergarten playing a tube of toothpaste in a hygiene play.

(1945 – ) American actor, director, comedian, producer & author
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air; a psychotic is the person who lives in it; a psychiatrist is the one who collects the rent.

(1915 – 2004) American playwright & author
Occupations People Work

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People