Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 5)

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing

In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Diplomat: A headwaiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally. 

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Government Occupations

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports

The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

I’m a character actor, which is a polite way of saying ‘ugly.’

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Occupations Ugly Work

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Occupations Wordplay Work

The profession of a prostitute is the only career in which the maximum income is paid to the newest apprentice.

(1829 – 1912) British preacher who founded The Salvation Army
Occupations Work

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Education Occupations Work

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Misspokements Occupations Opinion

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

The longer the title, the less important the job.

(1922 – 2012) American historian, author, U.S. Representative & Senator (South Dakota)
Occupations Work

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations