Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 6)

People who work putting shoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision.

(1946 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Occupations People Work

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

Give a civil servant a good cause and he’ll wreck it with cliches, bad punctuation, double negatives and convoluted apology.

(1928 – 1999) British politician & diarist
Occupations People Work

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

Expert: An ordinary man away from home giving advice.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Occupations People

The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.

(1983 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.

Definitions Occupations

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give it up. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football. And I have 20-20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Occupations Sports Work

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer
Occupations Work

… being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to go… well, the very opposite applies with judges.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Occupations Work

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

History repeats itself; historians repeat one another.

(1887 – 1915) English poet
History Occupations Time

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations

An actor is the kind of guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.

(1910 – 1984) American film producer & publicist
Acting Entertainment Occupations

It’s the gossip columnist’s business to write about what is none of his business.

(1904 – 1980) American critic & author
Communication Occupations Work