Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 8)

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

[Critics] search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Communication Occupations Work

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there’s not a lot of teaching involved in that.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Occupations Work

Forever poised between a cliche and an indiscretion.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
Government Occupations Work

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Education Occupations

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

An economist is someone who, on being shown something that works in practice, wonders if it would work in theory.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Occupations Work

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer
Occupations Work

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

I've seldom seen a horny player walk into a bar and not let out exactly what he did for a living.

(1947 – ) professional baseball player
Baseball Occupations Sex Sports Work

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Education Occupations Work

I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college, working for my parents as their daughter.

(1977 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable.

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Lawyers Occupations Work