Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 9)

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports

What’s interesting about sports writers is that they don’t know how to play sports, and a lot of them don’t know how to write.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent… unless the job is a statistician.

Comedian
Occupations Work

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Easiest job in the world of course: Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing… no worries… next.”

(1964 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Everybodyworks for the sales department

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Occupations People Sports Work

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

Working at the Job center has to be a tense job… knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.


Occupations Work

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Government Occupations

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Acting is merely the art of keeping a large number of people from coughing.

(1902 – 1983) English actor
Acting Entertainment Occupations

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People