Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 9)

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. – unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

(1928 – ) American R&B and rock & roll singer-songwriter
Education Occupations School Work

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.

(1905 –1998) American author
Occupations Work

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

An actor is the kind of guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.

(1910 – 1984) American film producer & publicist
Acting Entertainment Occupations

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Generals who can write always make me nervous.

(1921 – ) American newspaper editor
Government Military Occupations

When I told my mom I wanted to grow up and be a comedian, she said you can’t do both.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Entertainment Occupations Work

Forever poised between a cliche and an indiscretion.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
Government Occupations Work

I’m a character actor, which is a polite way of saying ‘ugly.’

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Occupations Ugly Work

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Critics? … I love every bone in their heads.

(1888 – 1953) American playwright
Communication Intelligence Occupations Work

I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Occupations Work

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

Here I am paying big money to you writers and what for? … all you do is change the words.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication Misspokements Occupations Reading/Writing Work

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Government Occupations

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations