Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 9)

I used to be a mime…. but now I can talk about it…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Entertainment Occupations Speech Work

Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.

Definitions Occupations

Hardening and Tempering Engineers’ Tools

Book Titles Occupations Work

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

A critic is a bunch of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

(1926 – 2007) American jazz critic & book reviewer
Communication Death Occupations Work

Psychiatry is a waste of good couches; why should I make a psychiatrist laugh, and then pay him?

(1958 – ) Australian author
Occupations Work

The Pope has come out and said that only 2 per cent of Catholic priests are paedophiles; unfortunately, that  2 per cent is their penis.

Canadian comedian
Occupations Work

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

If a scientist were to cut his ear off, no one would take it as evidence of a heightened sensibility.

(1915 – 1987) Brazilian/British biologist
Intelligence Occupations Science/Weather Work

Easiest job in the world of course: Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing… no worries… next.”

(1964 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

It’s just a job; grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand… I beat people up.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Occupations People Sports Work

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Autos Occupations People Situations Women Work

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Critic: One who boasts of being “hard to please” because nobody tries to please him. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Occupations Work

We are paid to have dirty minds.

(1903 – 1986) American film censor
Entertainment Film Occupations Work