Subject: Work (Page 11)

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

I yield to no one in my admiration for the office as a social center, but it’s no place actually to get any work done.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Activities Work

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Work

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Education Occupations

A trade unionist is someone who hates his job and is afraid someone will take it from him.

(1942 – ) British politician
Work

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Work

I don’t want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

‘Employee of the month’ is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Work

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

1. You can't get anything without working for it.
2. The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
3. You can only break even at absolute zero.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

How do you know if you've got a good mechanic? … by the size of his boat.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Occupations Work

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

Judge: Mr Smith, you must not direct the jury. What do you suppose I am on the bench for?

Smith: It is not for me, your honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Law Occupations Work

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.

(1943 – ) American attorney, journalist, writer, reporter & television host
Work

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication Wordplay Work

 If you're a coach, NFL stands for "Not For Long."

professional football & TV commentator
Football Occupations Sports

If a company’s most valuable resource is its people, how come the employees aren’t locked up, but the toilet paper is in a reinforced steel box with a lock, bolted to the stall?

Situations Work

He never seemed to be doing anything, and yet he did not like to be disturbed at it.

(1807 – 1892) American poet & advocate of the abolition of slavery
Characteristics Situations Work