Subject: Work (Page 12)

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

Time Work

If you volunteer to do a task that nobody likes to do, you'll be expected to do it every time in the future.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Work

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Only a fool can reproduce another fool’s work.

Fools Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Work

My career must be slipping… this is the first time I’ve been available to pick up an award.

(1933 – ) English actor
Success Work

The Pope has come out and said that only 2 per cent of Catholic priests are paedophiles; unfortunately, that  2 per cent is their penis.

Canadian comedian
Occupations Work

When a letter simply addressed to "Duffy the Dope" was delivered to me, I knew it was time to retire.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Communication People Self Work

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

So the rule is, if you screw up just one too many job interviews, you become a stand-up comedian.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Work

People are still willing to do an honest day's work; the trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Money Time Work

Some accountants are comedians, but comedians are never accountants.

(1929 – 2001) English barrister
Occupations Work

A critic is a legless man who teaches running.

(1880 – 1946) American playwright, critic & writer
Communication Occupations Work

The one who does the least work will get the most credit.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Expert: An ordinary man away from home giving advice.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Occupations People

Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

Time Work

The volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

(1938 – ) U.S. governor (California) & politician
Murphy’s Laws Work

A consultant is someone you pay a hundred-dollars-an-hour to give you the same advice you ignore from your assistant.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Occupations People Work

A trade unionist is someone who hates his job and is afraid someone will take it from him.

(1942 – ) British politician
Work

Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.

(1894 – 1980) American labor organizer
Occupations Work

‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said?’ asks the son. ‘Yes.’

(Daniel Barker) British comedian, voice-artist & actor
Communication Occupations Speech Work