Subject: Work (Page 14)

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.

Work

‘Employee of the month’ is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Work

A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Work

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author
Occupations Work

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Money People Wealth Work

A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.

(1905 –1998) American author
Occupations Work

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Definitions Work

The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent… unless the job is a statistician.

Comedian
Occupations Work

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

A high paying rush job comes in only after you've committed to a low paying rush job.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

… being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to go… well, the very opposite applies with judges.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Occupations Work

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
People Work

Hardening and Tempering Engineers’ Tools

Book Titles Occupations Work

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

I was born lazy; I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Work

There's no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn't get any worse.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Housework Situations Work