Subject: Work (Page 16)

I was a trapeze artist…. but I was let go.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Problems Work

‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said?’ asks the son. ‘Yes.’

(Daniel Barker) British comedian, voice-artist & actor
Communication Occupations Speech Work

I quit my job at the helium gas factory; I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech Work

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'… I thought, it must suck to work there.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink Situations Work

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Occupations People Truth

Meetings are a great trap; however, they are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.

(1908 – 2006) Canadian-American economist
Work

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

Expert: An ordinary man away from home giving advice.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Occupations People

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.

(1893 – 1935) U.S. governor & senator (Louisiana)
Marriage Work

1. Any line, however short, is still too long.
2. Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water that keeps it green.

Murphy’s Laws Work

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things Work

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work

Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their colleagues.

Murphy’s Laws Work

The longer the title, the less important the job.

(1922 – 2012) American historian, author, U.S. Representative & Senator (South Dakota)
Occupations Work

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Work

Judge: Mr. Smith, have you ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that youth and discretion are ill-wed companions?

Smith: Indeed I have, your Honour; and has your Honour ever heard of a saying by Bacon – the great Bacon – that a much talking Judge is like an ill-tuned cymbal?

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Insults Occupations Work