Subject: Work (Page 19)

… being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to go… well, the very opposite applies with judges.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian

The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.

Seven months ago I could give a single command and 541,000 people would immediately obey it; today I can’t get a plumber to come to my house.

(1934 – 2012) United States Army general

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

… there are three sexes – men, women, and clergymen.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman

Love is the only industry which can't operate on a five-day week.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

Everybodyworks for the sales department

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

Rosten’s First Law: First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

American computer programmer

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.

(1863 – 1947) automobile industrialist

In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

First of all, I choose the great [roles], and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.

(1933 – ) English actor