Subject: Work (Page 19)

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Situations Work

The first myth of management is that it exists.
The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson) – Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Murphy’s Laws Work

There are two essential rules of management:
One: the customer is always right.
Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Work

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Characteristics People Work

The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.

(1983 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

(1892 – 1984) American publisher
Occupations Work

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Definitions Occupations

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

Work

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Generals who can write always make me nervous.

(1921 – ) American newspaper editor
Government Military Occupations

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

(1974 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

Being a reporter is as much a diagnosis as a job description.

(1953 – ) American author, journalist & opinion columnist
Occupations Work

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
TV/Movie Quotes Work

It was a tough gig; they had to wake me up to fire me.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Situations Work

 If you're a coach, NFL stands for "Not For Long."

professional football & TV commentator
Football Occupations Sports

The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Marriage Money Work