Subject: Work (Page 20)

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Definitions Work

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Work

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. (Example: allocate two days for a one-hour task)

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes

I’m too lazy to work and too scared to steal.

professional baseball player
Baseball Characteristics Sports Work

If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.

Murphy’s Laws Work

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

(1925 – ) writer
Success Work

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

The probability of arriving at the job site without a needed tool or with the wrong hardware are directly proportional with the square of the travel distance.
Corollary: You will always have what you need when the job is next to your shop.

Murphy’s Laws Things Work

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Rosten’s First Law: First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Murphy’s Laws People Work

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government Politicians Work

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Men Money Work

In the morning be first up, and in the evening last to go to bed, for they that sleep catch no fish.

Proverbs Work