Subject: Work (Page 20)

Never take a reference from a clergyman; they always want to give someone a second chance.

People Work

The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Education Occupations Work

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

People who work putting shoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision.

(1946 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Acting Definitions Entertainment Occupations

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent… unless the job is a statistician.

Comedian
Occupations Work

When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

A pin has as much head as some authors and a good deal more point.

(1802 – 1870) American writer & editor
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

A critic is a legless man who teaches running.

(1880 – 1946) American playwright, critic & writer
Communication Occupations Work

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
People Work

Faustino the Great: How long you study music?
Mr. Lyons: Fifteen years.
Faustino the Great: Fifteen? … You know, two more years, you could’ve been a plumber.

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn’t feel like it; an amateur is a man who can’t do his job when he does feel like it.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Work

If a company’s most valuable resource is its people, how come the employees aren’t locked up, but the toilet paper is in a reinforced steel box with a lock, bolted to the stall?

Situations Work

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist Cathy
Emotions Food/Drink Love Mothers Work

Losing my virginity was a career move.

(1958 – ) American singer, actress & entrepreneur
Sex Work