Subject: Work (Page 21)

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Occupations Work

Dinosaurs with Jobs

Book Titles Occupations Work

Officials make work for each other.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

[Critics] search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Communication Occupations Work

A homeless guy asked me for 2 pounds, so I gave him 1.67 because that’s what a woman would get paid for doing the same job.

British comedian
Men Money People Women Work

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

American computer programmer
Computers Occupations Things Work

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Definitions Occupations

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations Work

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Work

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

It’s the gossip columnist’s business to write about what is none of his business.

(1904 – 1980) American critic & author
Communication Occupations Work

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Entertainment Music Occupations Work

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Money Occupations Time Work

The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? … plutonium hat model.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
Occupations Work