Subject: Work (Page 22)

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Occupations Taxes

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

Never take a reference from a clergyman; they always want to give someone a second chance.

People Work

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Sleep Work

First rate mathematicians choose first rate people, but second rate mathematicians choose third rate people.

(1906 – 1998) French mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Diplomat: A headwaiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally. 

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Government Occupations

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Housework Things Time Work

Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession.

(1919 – 1988) American diplomat & educator
Communication Language Work

If you volunteer to do a task that nobody likes to do, you'll be expected to do it every time in the future.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Marriage Money Work

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Occupations Science/Weather Work

If you don’t have a bad back by the time you’re 60, then you haven’t done anything in your life.

baseball manager
Health Work

Sailors ought never to go to church; they ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Occupations Work

Dinosaurs with Jobs

Book Titles Occupations Work

So the rule is, if you screw up just one too many job interviews, you become a stand-up comedian.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Work

Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Work

It’s just a job; grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand… I beat people up.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Hardening and Tempering Engineers’ Tools

Book Titles Occupations Work

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Government People Work

It was a tough gig; they had to wake me up to fire me.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Situations Work