Subject: Work (Page 22)

Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Work

The first myth of management is that it exists.
The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson) – Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Murphy’s Laws Work

No one wants to hear about the labor pains, they just want to see the baby.

(1939 – ) American baseball player
Success Work

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

American computer programmer
Computers Occupations Things Work

There are two essential rules of management:
One: the customer is always right.
Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Work

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Money Occupations Time Work

The real reason I decided on show business was to avoid a day job.

(1963 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & director
Entertainment Work

All I do is hit somebody in the mouth; it's a whole lot easier than working for a living.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports Work

Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their colleagues.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Diplomat: A headwaiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally. 

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Government Occupations

Ambassador: An honest man sent abroad to lie for the good of his country.

(1568 – 1639) English author, diplomat & politician
Government Occupations

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes Work

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Mistakes Work

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Money Work

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

Unemployment: The usual alternative to overwork.

Definitions Work

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday… how you doing… no worries next.”

(1964 – ) English comedian
Occupations Places Work

Dance like it hurts… love like you need money… work when people are watching.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Dance Emotions Entertainment Work

If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government People Work

Rosten’s First Law: First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Murphy’s Laws People Work