Subject: Work (Page 24)

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Work

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions Occupations Wordplay Work

A trade unionist is someone who hates his job and is afraid someone will take it from him.

(1942 – ) British politician
Work

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Murphy’s Laws Work

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations Sleep Work

I started my career in kindergarten playing a tube of toothpaste in a hygiene play.

(1945 – ) American actor, director, comedian, producer & author
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work

My career must be slipping… this is the first time I’ve been available to pick up an award.

(1933 – ) English actor
Success Work

If you break 100, watch your golf; if you break 80, watch your business.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Golf Sports Work

People were laughing at me anyway, so I thought “F**k it, I might as well start charging them.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

The first myth of management is that it exists.
The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson) – Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

Time Work

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Psychiatry is a waste of good couches; why should I make a psychiatrist laugh, and then pay him?

(1958 – ) Australian author
Occupations Work

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Work

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker
Dating Relationships Taxes Work

When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job" … well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Work

It's on the other side.

Things Work

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations