Subject: Work (Page 25)

Those who cannot teach – administrate.

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business… my business.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handy man with a sense of humus.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist

Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.

(1943 – ) American attorney, journalist, writer, reporter & television host

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

The three toughest jobs in the world are: President of the United States, mayor of New York, and head football coach at Notre Dame.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

Judge: Mr Smith, you must not direct the jury. What do you suppose I am on the bench for?

Smith: It is not for me, your honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer

Nurses: Patient people.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you’re away and get nothing done, there’s another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

(1869 – 1946) American bridge builder & engineer

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get into office.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.

Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

What do you give a florist who is sick?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? … plutonium hat model.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host

Everybodyworks for the sales department

People become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well equipped to handle.

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.