Work | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Work (Page 25)

A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

David Lloyd George

(1863 – 1945) British politician & statesman

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

Andy Warhol

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker

Dating Relationships Taxes Work Employees

A homeless guy asked me for 2 pounds, so I gave him 1.67 because that’s what a woman would get paid for doing the same job.

Kirsty Mac

British comedian

Men Money People Women Work

Faustino the Great: How long you study music?
Mr. Lyons: Fifteen years.
Faustino the Great: Fifteen? … You know, two more years, you could’ve been a plumber.

‘Chico’ Marx

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers

Occupations TV/Movie Quotes As Faustino the Great in “Love Happy” Plumbers

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Anonymous

Money Occupations Work Cowboys

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

Bonnie McFarlane

Canadian-American comedian & writer

Occupations Work Dentists

The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Parkinson's Fourth Law

Murphy’s Laws People Work

The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist.

Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work Economists

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.

Edgar Watson Howe

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Appearance Clothing Life Work Ideals

I was a trapeze artist…. but I was let go.

Stewart Francis

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Problems Work Trapeze

Only a fool can reproduce another fool’s work.

Freivald's Law

Fools Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Work

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

Jim Gaffigan

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Education Occupations Work Teaching

When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job" … well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people.

Mitch Hedberg

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Situations Work

When I told my mom I wanted to grow up and be a comedian, she said you can’t do both.

Jimmy Carr

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Entertainment Occupations Work

Bob Porter: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.

Ron Livingston

(1967 – ) American actor

TV/Movie Quotes Work As Peter Gibbons in “Office Space”

You know I'm the only Iraqi comedian… yeah true… at least that makes us three more than Germany.

Omid Djalili

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer

Entertainment Occupations People Places Work Comedians Germany Iraq

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

George Burns

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Anonymous

Definitions Occupations Wordplay Archaeologist

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Anonymous

Definitions Occupations madam

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Anonymous

Body Definitions Occupations Strip Teaser

The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.

Spare Parts Principle

Murphy’s Laws Things Work Parts

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Subject: Work (Page 25)

A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

A homeless guy asked me for 2 pounds, so I gave him 1.67 because that’s what a woman would get paid for doing the same job.

Faustino the Great: How long you study music?
Mr. Lyons: Fifteen years.
Faustino the Great: Fifteen? … You know, two more years, you could’ve been a plumber.

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist.

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.

I was a trapeze artist…. but I was let go.

Only a fool can reproduce another fool’s work.

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job" … well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people.

When I told my mom I wanted to grow up and be a comedian, she said you can’t do both.

Bob Porter: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.

You know I'm the only Iraqi comedian… yeah true… at least that makes us three more than Germany.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.