Subject: Work (Page 26)

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent… unless the job is a statistician.

Comedian
Occupations Work

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that’s working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he’d do it; in government, you don’t have to worry about that.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
Characteristics Government Occupations People Work

I don’t want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Housework Work

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

Since I didn't want to go round mugging old ladies or robbing banks, I took up boxing.

English boxer
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

Work: An unpopular way to earn money.

Definitions Work

Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Education Occupations

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People Work