Subject: Work (Page 3)

If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

There are worse things in life than death… and if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

The one who does the least work will get the most credit.

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Matt Thompson (1965 – ) American comedian

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

A trade unionist is someone who hates his job and is afraid someone will take it from him.

(1942 – ) British politician

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person – they will find an easier way to do it.

If anything goes bad, I did it… if anything goes semi-good, we did it… if anything goes really good, then you did it; that's all it takes to get people to win football games for you.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach

The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist.

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

The one who says it can’t be done shouldn’t interrupt the one doing it.

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

Canadian-American comedian & writer

All I do is hit somebody in the mouth; it's a whole lot easier than working for a living.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

One thing about being a cabbie is that you don’t have to worry about being fired from a good job.

(1935 – ) American actor

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

(1974 – ) American comedian

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer